


Little Black Box

by SnowStormSkies



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Community: glam_100, F/M, Swearing, not!Christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 12:37:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowStormSkies/pseuds/SnowStormSkies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam is a monumental bastard, Sauli has plans, Ashley can't stop laughing, and stuck in the middle of it all is the poor guy who Adam once snogged live on TV for shits'n'giggles. Such is the life of Tommy Joe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Black Box

**Author's Note:**

  * For [casey270](https://archiveofourown.org/users/casey270/gifts).



> **Title:** Little Black Box  
>  **Pairing/Characters:** Tommy/Ashley, Adam/Sauli  
>  **Rating (Word count):** 24 x 100 I think. And R. Because of adult situations and Tommy's potty mouth.  
>  **Warning(s):** Swearing, adult situations, naked times, Tommy being a dummy.  
>  **Author's Notes:** Swear to God, this is one of my favourites. Also, I love writing Tommy/Ashley and Adam is such a bastard. Thanks to Casey for the idea again. *hugs*

  
In Tommy’s defence, he ran out of different coloured wrapping paper. And the boxes all looked the same. And he was in a rush. And he never _intended_ to mix them up so Adam can shut the fuck up okay?

It started a pretty awesome day. Ashley in bed, Ashley in the shower, Ashley with coffee – he likes Ashley and coffee so that was also awesome – fighting over the last mug of it, Tommy going out to buy Starbucks because the pot shattered while they fought, and coming back to find Ashley still in bed. See? Awesome, right? Motherfucking great.

**_-_ **

And then they got into Ashley’s not-such-a-heap-of-shit-car, and drove all the way over to Adam’s home on the fucking hill – and it’s a fucking mansion, screw what Adam says, it’s like, ten bedrooms too big for a house, you know? And two drive ways, garages and a motherfucking remote gate too. And they drive back again because _presents_ are kind of important and Tommy left them sitting on the kitchen table because he totally forgot to pick them up. He was too busy drinking coffee and trying to play grab ass with Ashley because eh, what’s Sunday morning for, anyway?

-

So. They finally arrived at Adam’s house, presents in tow, coffeed up to the eyeballs and ready to face some epic Lambert style partying. Despite the fact that Adam doesn’t celebrate Christmas _officially,_ the dude throws an epic winter party, so fuck it, Tommy loves him anyway.

 Also, _tree_.

Adam has a tree and it’s _not_ a Christmas tree. It isn’t. But it is like, where you put presents and Sauli invited them all over to decorate it, and there’s candy on it so whatever, right? They’re having _not-Christmas_ this year. Tommy can live with that. And so can Ash.

-

Inside, it’s wild. And awesome. Adam has gone all out – great food, beer – though he gives Tommy his PBR, with a sigh – and awesome music too. There’s maybe forty people in the house, but Ashley and Tommy stick close to the kitchen, where Sauli and his mom are there, preparing mood food, and that’s pretty cool. Lots of people are not Tommy’s thing but he’s okay with chopping shit and stirring things while someone barks orders at him.

It’s not that much different from being on stage with Adam. Really. Bossy McRanty Fuck Pants.

Adam smacks him for that, though.

-

People start leaving about six though, kissing and hugging everybody else as they totter out the door with gift bags containing Mrs Koskinen’s – seriously, call her whatever, Adam says but she’s like… Sauli’s _mom –_ best goodies and then it’s just the family.

They sit around the not-a-Christmas tree because Sauli’s family do have trees and shit and Adam’s cool enough to just roll with it, and Sauli hands around the gifts, youngest to oldest. Despite Adam’s objection that it should be tallest to smallest, to which Tommy kicks him, Ashley pings popcorn at him and Sauli hits him gently. Fucker.

-

It’s a fucking awesome shindig and Tommy’s honestly sad to say goodbye, but they need to go because he needs sleep before their fifty billion hour car trip to Ashley’s parents, and he knows how important family is to her. They live in fucking _North Carolina_ and they’ve had enough of fucking planes to last them ten thousand years.

So Ashley’s parents are paying for them to car trip it across the Bible Belt of America, and Tommy’s driving the first eight billion miles. So they have to up at the asscrack of dawn.

Fuck his life.

And fuck people.

-

So they shove off before Sauli and Adam have finished opening their presents, and on the way home, Tommy pops the glovebox. Ashley’s got the driving down today, and he’s okay because it meant he got beer while she got stuck with lemonade and now, he’s gonna give her the gift that he needed the damn beer for.

Buying it was traumatic enough.

Lingerie. Yeah. Sexy panties.

He’s going to need something to entertain him during the long ride to the beautiful hell hole that is North Carolina, with bugs and horses and fucking roosters that crow at four am.

-

He loves Ash’s family, he really does but they’re people that live outdoors and don’t own a TV and know how to castrate cattle with their fucking _teeth_ or something. He’s a city boy, born and bred, raised on asphalt and record stores, and he gets nervous when there’s no tall buidings around.

And besides. He went to Victoria Secret for this pretty lacey pair of panties. His reward is damn good – seeing her in these and _nothing_ else will be the highlight of his Christmas.

Three long weeks in a ranch style house with horses and loud family people ….

-

They pull up outside the crappy little house they’re trying to save up to move out of, and Ashley kills the engine. Tommy licks his lips. Big moment. First exchange of underwear that they’ve done as a couple and he’s learnt enough over time to know that it’s a good thing if it goes well.

“Here.”

“T?” She’s the only one who calls him that, _Tee,_ and he’s the only one who calls her A, like aaaay! So he knows he has her attention. “I thought we were doing presents at my parents?”

“W-we are. But these are for before.”

-

 God, the thought of her opening these in front of her mother scares Tommy shitless. Mrs D is awesome but she’s terrifying with a flowery apron and cookies and a southern hospitality complex.  

He has to drag his mind back on track. “You can open them.” He has to poke her to open the little black box, but he’s pleased to see a little smile on her face as she undoes the paper wrapping.

“Errr… Tommy?”

She doesn’t sound pleased and Tommy is confused. They laughed about sexy underwear before – was it just a joke?  

“Thanks. Really. I love it.”

-

“What?” He was hoping for some… enthusiasm? He didn’t pick something _that_ out of the water, right? Sexy, lacey, but ultimately _familiar_ underwear-

“I’ve always wanted Vice City. Really. Murder. Blood. Destruction. Drugs and hoes. On a game console that I don’t even own.” She holds up the PlayStation game and the look on her face is like a smacked ass, but oh –

“ _Motherfucking shit!”_ Tommy’s ripping the stuff out of the glovebox but there’s nothing important in there – not the thing he’s looking for and candy bar wrappers and old receipts for fast food joints go flying everywhere.

“Tommy?”

-

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!” Tommy’s feeling under the seat but he knows exactly where the other little box, the one with Ashley’s panties in is and _fuck his motherfucking life,_ they need to drive back over to Adam’s like right the fuck now, okay?

“What’s going on Tommy?”

“ _Shiiiiit!”_ He’s running his mouth and Ashley’s probably scared shitless now but if they don’t Tommy’s not going to lose his job but he’s _never_ going to be able to look Adam in the eye. Ever. Again.

“Look at me.” Ash has one hand under his chin. “What is it?” Her fingers are very soft.

-

She presses her other hand flat against his chest as he leans against the door and all the adrenaline surges in his body. “What is it, Tommy?”

“I…” He sighs. Fuck. Well, she might as well know why Adam won’t stop laughing every time he looks over at Tommy. “I brought you a present.”

“Okaaay?” She’s nodding slowly, as though he’s a nutter. “You brought me Vice City.”

“No. I got _Adam_ Vice City.” Just as a joke because Adam’s so clean cut these days that he needs to play at being dirty again.

“Oh.” Now she gets it. “And?”

-

“I got you panties.”

“What?”

“I got you the best pair of panties I could find in black lace and with little red bows and they were awesome and on sale and I fucking _killed_ someone trying to get them and now they’re not here…”

“Where are they?” She’s looking at him as though he’s just gonna drop his pants and reveal he’s already wearing them under jeans and this is one occasion when Tommy wishes he was wearing women’s underwear because…

“Adam has them.”

“Why would you give them to Adam?”

“I didn’t. At least, I didn’t mean to.”

-

“I don’t follow.” She’s got to be deliberately fucking with him but Tommy spells out his dumb anyway.

“This is Adam’s present.” He points to the game in her hands, “In a black box. Your present is at Adam’s house in another black box. _A black box identical to this one.”_

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” That kind of says it all.

“So… what do you want me to do?” She holds the game between two fingers as though it’s the answer to all Tommy’s prayers and he just wants to crawl in a hole and die but he can’t. Not yet.

“ **Drive.”**

**-**

Ashley screeches out of the drive so fucking fast that Tommy sees stars from smacking his head on the window. Foot flat to the floor, she’s almost speeding from the go but Tommy doesn’t give a shit – he loves that she can drive like an Indy 500 racer on crack, and maybe, just maybe they might make it there in time. He prays.

He really prays.

He digs his phone out of his pocket, begging Adam to be lazy and go smooch Sauli under the setting sun or something rather than open presents…

His phone rings.

Adam’s a present whore.

-

“Answer it!” Ashley roars through an amber light and looks at the buzzing phone in Tommy’s hand.

“He’s gonna mock me.” He isn’t. Adam’s going to rip him a new one, make fun of him, laugh at him, never stop reminding him of it. Tommy might as well move to the Antarctic and never come back. Ever.

“Answer it.”

“Fuck.”

“Hey, you were the one who gave him my panties. Suck it up and answer your boss, Tommy Joe Ratliff.” Oh God, his full name. He’ll never survive.

He answers. “Hello?”

“Hi, Tommy.” Adam sounds very calm. Is that good?

-

“Yo.” He made a word. Yay.

“I just wanted to say thank you….” Oh shit, what for… “For an awesome day. Sauli and I really enjoyed having you and Ash over for presents and food.”

Has he actually gotten away with it?

“Oh, and thank you for helping Koz in the kitchen.” Koz is Adam’s name for Sauli’s mom – don’t ask, Sauli tells him and Tommy doesn’t – and Tommy was happy to. She always gives extras to people who help out. “How’s Ashley?”

“…Okay?” Why wouldn’t she be?

“That’s good. Just one more thing…”

Whatever, Adam. Tommy’s in the clear.

-

“I don’t think the red bows really work for me.”

Tommy chokes on his own spit.

“But I love the lace. Sauli thinks they’ll fit and _thank you_ so much for those. We’re going to have so much fun.”

“….Ummm.”

“They’re awesome. But really. I didn’t expect something like that from you. Is this something you need to talk about to Ash? Buying panties for your boss, another _man._ It’s a bit different, Tommy, isn’t it?”

“Damnit…”

“But I’ll overlook it. Really. I will. Because, right now, I’m _looking_ at Sauli. And he’s wearing nothing but your present.”  

Oh, dear God.

-

“…and I _have_ to say he looks fucking awesome.” Man. Tommy didn’t need to know that.

Ashley is collapsed over the steering wheel, trying very very hard to not laugh out loud and her shaking shoulders just make this whole thing worse. Tommy wants to melt through the seat and just pretend nothing like this ever happened. Ever. Never ever.

“Thanks, Adam.” He can barely get those words out but finally, he manages and it’s like fucking gravel through an engine when they do get there.

“No, _thank_ **you,** Tommy Joe,” He purrs and Ashley snorts. Like full snort. Gross.

-

“Can I go now?” He has to ask if he can hang up the phone or Adam’ll call right back and then it’ll be even worse so he just clings, white knuckled, to the little piece of fuckery tech that’s keeping him connected to his boss. And he prays.

“Say please.”

“Please.”

“Hmm. You gonna bring me some more panties?” Tommy flushes bright pink and he can barely concentrate because in the background, he can hear sniggering and it’s probably Sauli. Wearing Ash’s panties. Maaaan, that’s an image he’s never going to get rid of. Ever.

“Goodbye, Tommy Joe.”

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

-

“That was all your own fault.” Ashley lifts her face from biting the steering wheel long enough to tell Tommy what he already knows.

“Shut up.” Doesn’t mean he likes hearing it though. “What the fuck do we do now?”

“Well, my panties are wrapped around our boss’s boyfriend’s dick, so I don’t want them back now.” Brain bleach stat, “And I have only my own boring, not gift panties on now so I’m sure you don’t’ want to have sex with me in those.”

“Why not?” Tommy loves having sex with those ones-

“Because you brought new ones.” _What?_

_-_

“I _like_ having sex with you in your – oh.” Ashley’s little wink tells him to shut the fuck up right the fuck now, and maybe, just maybe… he might be able to salvage something awesome out of today after all. Maybe.

“Now. Do you wanna go beg for those panties back, which by the way, I _will not_ wear ever because ew, I love Sauli but not enough to share panties with him.”

“No.” No, because Adam will let him take them back only if he takes them off Sauli himself, and just **_no._**

**“Let’s go home.”**

**_“Please.”_ **

**-**

Later that night, Tommy is wrapped only in a blanket on the floor in front of the fire, half his body being roasted alive, the other half being used as a pillow for a very beautiful bassist that he wholely does not deserve and he hears his phone buzz.

It’s Sauli, texting him. And he has to stuff a pillow in his mouth because,

**_“I’m sorry. I switched presents. Been wanting to try them for a while. Coffee’s on me all year.”_ **

Well. Thanks.  

But as Ashley rolls a little closer to him, Tommy just can’t bring himself to care.

 

 


End file.
